Let Changing Places Help You With Hard Conversations
Autumn brings thoughts of fall leaves, cozy sweaters, pumpkin spice, and everything nice. It also ushers in many opportunities for family gatherings. From Halloween get-togethers to trick-or-treat with the little ones to Thanksgiving dinner around the table, asking open-ended questions can foster connection, build relationships, and share experiences across the generations.
Setting the Stage for Life Changes
Before your next family dinner, spend some time on self-reflection and proactive planning. There are big emotions involved in any change, especially those involving changing lifestyles. If you are an adult child of aging parents, it can be hard to see their capabilities diminish. Acknowledging your emotions around your parents’ aging process is an important step to take before diving into potentially challenging conversations.
Next, it helps to create a positive environment for tough topics. Patience is critical when talking with older adults, give them space and time to formulate their thoughts and respond. Remember that any decisions they make can create stress and activity, change is hard. Make it a two-way conversation by sharing your answers to any questions you ask in addition to listening to their response.
When you are ready, below are a few situations that frequently occur with seniors and questions to use to start a conversation about what’s next for your older relatives.
Situation #1: When visiting your mom, you notice her home isn’t as clean as it used to be. Food is out-of-date and the dust bunnies are crating their own community under the furniture. This is a good time to ask:
- How does keeping up with this home work for you?
- Do you feel comfortable with the amount of upkeep your home requires? Are there tasks you would like my help with, whether that’s me working on it or finding someone to help you?
Situation #2: On video calls with your parents you notice they are always in the same spot in their home. Their conversations are full of complaints about their health, but no recent stories about their friends or neighbors. This is a good time to ask:
- Where do you feel most comfortable? What makes that space feel comfortable for you?
- Who are you spending time with? Would you like to spend time with other people? Or more time with the people you already see? Or both?
Situation #3: The TV is always on (loudly) in the background when you see your dad. He was an active person prior to retirement, now he seems to be focused mainly on what talking heads tell him. This is a good time to ask:
- What activities are you doing for fun now?
- What hobbies or interests would you like to do more of?
Situation #4: Navigating through the home you grew up in is getting harder with items resting in front of doors and pathways. You notice your parents piling clothing outside of the closet and storage spaces. This is a good time to ask:
- Do you have any of my childhood and younger adult items you’d like me to sort through or take with me?
- What is your favorite charity? What attracts you to their mission?
- What holiday items do you love most and what items would you like to pass on for someone else to enjoy?
Each question is crafted to draw your family member out to learn about where they are in their current situation and where they would like to go. Starting the conversation is the first step on a long journey. You don’t need to do this alone. At Changing Places we have resources available for all aspects of senior life transitions. Let us help you along the way.